Don't read this if you're easily grossed out

[dixiebell]

*Rant*

 

Dear Nephew,

It was really nice of your mommy to bring you for a visit, however I did not like your parting gift. I have a few rules in this house that must always be obeyed. You broke one that annoys me the most! I realize that you are young and can be forgetful but I can't possible see how you could have forgotten to flush. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out how you didn't end up in the hospital with stitches. You're such a tiny little thing too. I mean, my god what the hell did you eat, a rhino, a redwood tree perhaps. You would have thought I had been visited by the Golly Green turd giant or something. I almost got whiplash from jumping back in utter horror at the site of that. I almost ran outside and looked for the mother ship, you can't possibly be human and still be alive. So sweetpea, use that little silver handle next time or stay the hell out of my bathroom.

  Looking for the crowbar,
  Auntie Dixiebell